


a message you'll never read

by atfcx



Series: short scrawls [5]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Based on Myself, Breakup, Heartbreak, Long-Distance Relationship, Lowercase, M/M, Nightmares, alternative universe, recovering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 02:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8472343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atfcx/pseuds/atfcx
Summary: can be read as a sequel to "3 a.m." or on its own





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is about me. i'm josh. my ex is tyler.

_i want to tell you everything i've never said, tyler._  
_i went back into the past again tonight, back to our final days. i do it a lot. i remember everything i felt. just three days before, i was wondering how it was possible to be so in love with someone. i remember how my heart felt like it would burst wide open because of how much i felt for you. same the next day, when i had the day off school and i phoned you while you were in class and we just hung out and it was everything i'd ever wanted._  
_and then, the next day, i was feeling the exact opposite. paranoia. anxiety. wondering if i was overthinking things. but i don't think i was. i knew something was up. don't even try to deny that you, the clingiest person i've ever met, were ignoring me, because i know you were. i just don't know why. and i barely got any sleep, coloured a chinese dragon instead, and then the following night you ended it. i should've been expecting it, yet it was still a huge surprise.  
you never did give me a reason. i wish you did. _

__josh stares at the text for a long time, then gently presses the backspace button and watches his feelings disappear from the screen._ _

__they'd been dating for a year and yet had never met in person. that didn't matter though; they were as close as anyone else. it was josh's first relationship, so after tyler broke up with him it took him several days to work out how he felt. the two remained civil during that time. until tyler texted him a few days later, saying how he'd "changed his mind" and "wanted josh back". josh said no. tyler got angry and demanded to know why. josh got angrier._ _

__josh told tyler to get out of his life.  
josh misses tyler every day._ _

__he doesn't know why it all affects him so much. sometimes he wakes up screaming from nightmares, in which all he can remember is tyler. someone has feelings for him, which he knows for definite, yet the thought of being in another relationship makes him feel physically sick. he doesn't think he could handle one for a long time. he can't go through all that again._ _

__he deletes the text, because it's been over a month since that final conversation and because he is too proud to go crawling back to tyler, even if it was the last option on earth left open to him._ _

**Author's Note:**

> tips: if you ever have writers block, write shit about yourself that no one cares about. guarranteed to work.
> 
>  
> 
> i'm still laughing at how i wrote "3 a.m." about how my relationship was failing and then we broke up a few hours later.


End file.
